Today...

I am a single mom. I work 2 jobs. I had 1 full time job but honestly I find it better for my kids to work 2 jobs. One job has a consistent set of hours at 25 a week the other I can get anywhere from 12 to 18 or 20. Between both jobs I earn about as much as I did at my one full time job, maybe even a little more as I rarely got more than 37 hours at my full time job.

Wouldn't it be better to work 1 full time job? I don't think so, at least not for my situation. My steady hour job is early morning hours. My other job is evening hours. Most mornings I work, I am done by 10 am. I have worked 5 hours. A couple days a week I'll work 4-5 more hours. These hours let me be home in the afternoon and most nights allow me to be home by bedtime.

I can do lots of different things with my afternoons. My house is cleaner and could be even more, but I am choosing to be with my kids. This afternoon we are simply playing outside. The kids are running around. I just read a book to my little one. Yes, there is laundry to fold, but it can wait a few hours.

I have young kids, but I also have adult kids. My oldest got married a few weeks ago. It was such a blessing to be a part of that. Watch him grow from childhood to a husband. Yet I miss him being home.

I think of how short the time was now. I remember him as a baby. I was blessed to be home with him until he went to college. My little ones don't have that, so I have to make the most of what we do.

My “baby” is 4. She loves to wear dresses. When my 20 year old daughter was 4 she was the same way. These days she will still wear a dress, but not as often as her little sister. While the 4 year old will wear pants (or as the case of it being summer, short) they are almost always under a dress. It won't be much longer that she will want only dresses.

The time of influence we have on our kids is so short. Trying to balance work, home and kids can be hard. Often it is even harder to add that me time. All moms (and Dads) need time away. It is often even harder when you are a single parent. Although sometimes I get time off when the little ones are with their Dad. Those nights can be nice, but often miss my kids.

So today I will choose them. Today I will enjoy that I have laundry to fold. And dishes to do and toys on the floor, because the days are long but the years are short.

and life continues

I have turned another year older.

My kids like to insist that I'm about 4 years younger

I'm at the age where others will say "yeah your 29 right?"

Honestly, I don't want to be that age again.

It isn't that I wouldn't want to be younger, thinner and whatever. I had a lot of great things happen between 29 and the age I am now,

But there was also a lot of hard lessons learned. Heartbreak, Loss.

I would not want to live through those again. Unless maybe I had the wisdom I do now and could change the way I handled the situations. But then the lessons wouldn't have been learned and I would be a different person then I am now.

I'm still learning and changing and growing. I'm still learning to be content with who I am. I still struggle with feeling lonely.

Yet there is a lot of good things that have come about. I have learned that it is ok that I am a sensitive person. It is ok that I take things personally. It is ok that I need space and need to be alone for a time to recharge. I am not broken. I am an INFP and it is ok.

My new year

So yes, like many I have made New Years resolutions. Yes, one is to lose weight. The other is to quit smoking, for good. And yes, I'm trying to do both at once.

I want to lose 50-60 pounds. I had lost 35 a couple years ago when I went off plan after starting a second job. I had lost the weight using Trim Healthy Mama. When I was working just 1 job. When I started working 2, I totally started eating tons of drive through and really just anything fast. Many days I had maybe an hour between jobs and it would take almost 30 minutes due to traffic. I was also working sometimes 55-60 hours a week.

Today I work just one job, and that full time. I have a little more time to prep, but not much. Today was my day off and I took time to put some chicken in the crock pot with broth and will turn it into about 4 different soups (single serve) and some left over chicken for something else.

I also have been going to the gym. That is something I do for me. I love to workout. Yeah, most of the time it is really hard for me to force myself to go. But it is always worth it in the end.

I have breakfast and lunch and even a snack for tomorrow.
Breakfast will be cheesecake (yes, I said cheesecake) with strawberries (s)

Lunch is my left over dinner from tonight which is stir fry chicken over quinoa (e)