04 December 2008


first- i have been tagged. so i will do that first. 
1) Choose the 4th picture folder on my computer
2) Choose the 4th picture
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 other people

so this is a picture of the bookcases/ toy cases in our living room. we live in a very small apt, and have very little storage. i have been blessed to have a friend who is a woderful organizer and she has helped me. this was her idea.

today i was listening to one of my favorite songs- ok it is my current favorite song. it is called "today is the day" and it is by lincoln brewster. it starts off "i'm casting my cares aside, i'm leaving my past behind, i'm setting my heart and mind on you Jesus."

i have to say the words- i'm leaving my past behind hit me differently. i often think of that having something to do with our pasts, our regrets, the things that happened yday to weigh us down. but it hit me- my doubts that i had just this morning or even 5 minutes ago, or 5 seconds ago are also my past that i need to leave behind as i set my heart and mind on Jesus.

i've struggled so much again in trusting God.  i keep seeing the little things getting answered, but the big things- rent money, are still not being answered, that i can see. so i keep on trusting and keep on believing and well that is all i can do. 

20 November 2008

only God....

ok, so i admit i'm stressed out by a lot of things. 2 things are stressing me out more than others- lois' weight gain and money.
well this am dan got a call from a man at church who own's a remax office. anyway he has some bags of papers that need to be shredded and could dan come (for pay) and do it. that is only God!!!!

i've been stressed out that lois is nursing like crazy, well i weighed her tonight and she's gained 6 oz since monday!

19 October 2008

Birth Story....

I awoke around 4:15 am on Oct 18. I was having a few contractions, not too bad. By 4:30 in my heart I just knew that I was going to have the baby.

I tried to lay down while the contractions were still far apart (about 10 minutes), but I just couldn't.

I decided to get up and clean the apt a little. I got most of the dishes done, with the contractions being about 10 minutes apart. I did a little more cleaning than decided to take a bath.

I woke Dan up around 5:30 to let him know that I was in labor. Having had several bouts of false labor, he wasn't so sure. I did tell him that when Anakin woke up he would have to get up as I wouldn't be able to handle both the contractions and the toddler.

I was finally able to rest around 7 am, but by 7:30 I was wanting to be moving again. I decided to call my friend and let her know I was in labor. I knew she would be getting ready for work, and I knew she wanted to know.

I couldn't find the phone, so I paged it from the base. That's when I remembered it was in the bedroom where husband and toddler were sleeping. Yep woke them both up. Shortly after they woke up, so did the rest of the family.

During this time I was managing the contractions pretty well by walking around. Unlike the last couple labors I wanted nothing to do with laying down.

My friend (Kathy) who I had called earlier decided to go into work a little late and stay with us.

By 9 am the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. I was having a harder and harder time dealing with them. I was getting scared of having to go several more hours like that. I did start saying I wanted to go to the hospital. In my heart I knew that it would be pointless for what I wanted. If I made it to the hospital I knew I was past the point of getting something for the pain.

By 9:30 I felt like the contractions were on top of each other although I know there was time between them.

The water bag broke at 9:37, and I knew it wasn't going to be much longer. I however was very ready to have it all over with.

I was at this point laying on my left side facing the back of our couch. It is the same way I have laid for the last 3 births. I'm not sure why I like it, but I do.

This point the contractions where on top of each other. Part of me wanted to push and part of me kept wanting just to let my body do the work. So during the worst of the contraction is when I ended up pushing.

Once I knew the head was starting to crown, I really started pushing. During my last 3 births I had rememberd to not push too hard to allow the head to come out so as not to tear. This time Dan and Kathy had to remind me to slow down. I did start slowing down. Once I felt the head coming out I yelled to my 2 older daughters since I knew they wanted to see it.

Once the head was out I had a little break. I wanted to force my body to push out the shoulders, but I couldn't. I saw my husband down with his hands on the baby wanting to help get the shoulders out. The next contraction came and I was able to get the shoulders out, along with the rest of her.

She was born at 9:56 am.

Her name is Lois Kerrie after 2 women that have a special place in Dan's and my life. Both of the women are now gone.

Lois was a very godly women. I had gleaned so much about motherhood, being a wife and about God from her. She past away about 2 years ago. I know if she was here she'd yell at me for naming my daughter Lois. Lois was about God and not about herself.

Kerrie was a dear friend of Dan's. She was killed by a drunk driver 13 years ago. They had been friends a very long time.

06 September 2008


I admit I'm not normally one to follow politics. I pick my candidates based on a few important to me topics. Those topics tend to leave the democrats from getting my vote.

This year however I have followed a little more. I actually *gasp* watched some of Sarah Palin's acceptance speech for VP nomination. I will also admit that I am very torn over the nomination. I strongly believe that women are called to be workers at home. However we live in a fallen world with their own ideas of what makes a women "important."

I do like that she is pro-life. I think the fact that her daughter is continuing with her pregnancy does show that. I know that even with the best, most involved parents kids tend to do things that parents don't agree with.

I don't like that because of the jobs that she has had she has spent way too much time away from her family.

07 August 2008

Hearing God

i'll admit i've never been the one to think i hear God speaking. what i think i realize was i've heard Him, but couldn't think it was Him.
last night after dealing with sin in my life i felt very far from God.
than in the middle of the night my 4 year old awoke with a tummy ache. for the next hour i dealt with my being mad that he wouldn't sleep well. i'd just fall asleep and he'd wake up. finally for the last time around 4:45 am in the darkness i heard God tell me to get my bible out.
No, God, I thought, I'm too tired. I wouldn't even know what to read.
Yes, I'll show you.
we were in the bathroom and so i walked out and grabbed my bible. there was a little light in there.
but than my son was done. so i took him and my bible to the living room. too dark to read there. i still hadn't opened it.
Now what God? I can't even see the words in here.
Just turn the pages.
got to a page and realized my son was asleep.
Go into the kitchen.
Wahhh I want to sleep, but ok.
Psalm 73:23-28
23Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.

24With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.

25Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.

26My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.

28But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.