3 Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.
My oldest child's name is Shane. Shane means "God is gracious, gift from God."
Before my 3rd child was born I started to hear this word quiverful. In the group's I was hearing it, they were talking about letting God choose the size of your family, ie the number of children you would have. This was much different from how those around me felt. I was conflicted and unsure of what God was saying to me.
My oldest child's name is Shane. Shane means "God is gracious, gift from God."
Before my 3rd child was born I started to hear this word quiverful. In the group's I was hearing it, they were talking about letting God choose the size of your family, ie the number of children you would have. This was much different from how those around me felt. I was conflicted and unsure of what God was saying to me.
Shortly after finding out I was pregnant with my 4th child my (now) ex-husband and I talked about it and decided that my fertility was in God's hands.
After my 5th child I began to feel that people at my church judged me differently because of it. I chose to withdraw. I knew people didn't understand my conviction and that was ok, (after awhile).
My 9th child is Izabelle.. promised of God.
I don't fit the mold of my friends or my church. My parenting is different. It is far from perfect, but it works for my family. My kids talk to me. I know what is going in in their lives.
I struggle emotionally, and often question my faith in God. But not in ways that others realize. They see my doubts as a lack of faith. They see this as a bad thing. I see it as a chance to question and learn. I see it as a way to challenge my faith, to grow and learn.
What is hard is knowing that these that don't understand me love me, yet I am not sure they like me. Yes I am introverted and shut people out. I would rather do things on my own. I don't like to feel that I am an inconvenience to my family or friends. I have been told that is this unhealthy thinking, yet I look at actions or lack of and I can't help but think that they would rather not be with me.
But I know that I am loved beyond what anyone I can imagine. And that love is shown through my kids everyday.
