Post surgery

It has been 3 weeks since my 4th open heart surgery. I am doing pretty well. I have had my sister and at least 1 friend say they can tell the difference already in how I look and how I sound. My sister said that she could tell almost immediately how much better the color in my nails looked once I got out of surgery.

So how am I feeling now? Well my body decided to go ahead and get a cold. Not just any cold, but a pretty bad one. I am doing better today then I have the last 2 days, but I am still feeling pretty sick. At moments I feel like I am wheezing. It is not a feeling I have felt often. I am seeing my cardiologist on Tuesday. I am sure that he'll listen to my lungs then. I did call him and he didn't feel I needed to go in unless my symptoms got worse.

The pain of the surgery is starting to get better. I'm not hurting quite so much. There are still moments where the pain is pretty bad. I had bad pain day the other day. It was also the beginning of this cold. I am having a little more pain now because of coughing so much.

I am so thankful that the way they do the surgeries has gotten better. I am thankful for not being so drugged up this past recovery. The day after my surgery they wanted me sitting up in a chair, 3 times a day for an hour each time. They did this around meal time. It was so hard to sit there. I did end up sleeping in the chair, which was what they expected. During the lunch time sit, I couldn't make it the full hour.

The next day was a little better. I sat up more. Oh another thing that I loved was that once they took the catheter out, they had a commode that I could have next to my bed, no bed pans! hehe that was nice.  

Happy Birthday

I want to say a wonderful Happy Birthday to my daughter Princess Faith. If you have a moment stop by her blog and check it out. She does a wonderful job of blogging and hits some pretty hard topics.

Too quiet...

Hello... I am a mom of 9 and I have had more then enough me time in the last 24 hours to drive me insane. It is way too quiet in my house.

As a mom there are moments I just so wish to have some time to myself. I want everyone just to sleep and give me some quiet. But I have now had quiet for a whole week and I feel still so off. I know that in the long run having this quiet so I can rest and my body can heal is the best thing for me, but I miss my little ones way too much. I want them all home with me.

So what have I been doing with my time.... laying down. Small amounts of house work her and there, homework, and spending time talking with my sister whom I haven't seen in several years. She came in to help me while I was in the hospital and now here after.

I am working on putting things in place so that my kids can come home in a just a couple more days. I so miss hugging them and loving on them.

Surgery went well

I am happy to report that my surgery went very well. They were able to get a lot more blood flow to my right lung and lower all my pressures. I feel like I have been hit by a truck, but I am feeling well. I spent 5 nights and 6 days in the hospital I did very well and was able to get out of ICU within 2 days. I had trouble adjusting my meds so that I didn't get sick as well as not have any pain.

surgery day....

well I am just about 7.5 hours away from surgery. I have to admit I am feeling nervous. I know I will be fine once I get in there, but it is the leading up to the surgery that I am worried about. I am also worried about the recovery and trying to take care of 8 kids.

Well I shall see you on the other side of this surgery.

Because she's D... :)

This is my son's words when he talks about his girlfriend. He sees her and believes in her value as a wonderful woman simply because she is. I can't tell you how many times I've heard how great she is, (and well yeah she is a wonderful young lady) and his reason that she is great is simply cause "she's D" (going to just use an initial here.)

My son has never been interested in dating, it wasn't his thing. He always had friends who were girls, but baseball was his main love. His high school years were focused on that, God and being a great big brother.

He has know the young lady for about 5 years. They have hung out with the same group of friends, gone on missions trips and played hours of volleyball hanging around with others. Yet it was, I believe in God's perfect time that my son's eyes were open to this young lady as someone he wanted to get to know better.

We are not a courtship family, but neither are we a date a bunch of people family either. I have encouraged my kids not to look for the "right one" but to seek God and ask him to make them the right person for the one God will bring them. 5 years ago my son was a man after God's heart, but his faith had to be tested to mold him to who he is today.

I am also thankful that the young lady's family knows my son, and likes him. Her mom is one of my dearest friends. I am thankful they see the heart of my young man and trust him with their daughter.

Their relationship is young, and it will take time. For now I will enjoy his little "because she's D!" comments.

open heart surgery

I am scheduled for what could very well be my last open heart surgery that I will need to correct my heart condition. I will be receiving a new valve at that time. This valve is expected to last 15+ years, at t hat point they could (by current medical abilities who knows what it will be then) just place a new valve next to the old one by during a cardiac cath.

It has been amazing in so many ways to grow up with a heart defect. It has allowed me to really see how much we have learned over the years about the human body. Many of the ways that they repaired my heart just 35 years ago, they no longer do.

I have to admit that I am very nervous about my surgery. I am worried for my children, especially my young ones who don't fully understand. I worry for my older ones who do understand way too much and are too much like their mom in the worry department. Added to the fact that this past year has been very stressful for all of us.

I do feel confident in God that I will get through this time. That there is still a lot God has for me to do here on this earth. A year and a half ago I started this journey towards surgery and as I was reading God's word I came across these verses. I stand still today confident that this is God's promise to me.

[Phl 1:21-25 NASB] 21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith,

Oldest at college

My oldest is off to college. His first class starts Monday. I am excited for him, but nervous. I know that he is Gods hands.

Above all in his homeschooling I encouraged him to seek God. Even now as he is in college I am encouraging him to seek God.

Life here at home will be much different without him around every day. His love for his younger siblings and the fun they all had together will stay with them.

My private blog

An update to this post... The blog mentioned in this post is no longer private. You can find the blog at Seeking, Trusting, Waiting on God
I have a blog called Seeking, Trusting, Waiting on God, where I am blogging about how I am walking through the aftermath of my husband's affair. Because of the personal nature of this subject, I have made the blog private. If you would like to have access to it, please let me know.
~Kayte

3 teens

I am now officially the mom of 3 teens. I have thought of my 3rd child as one of my teens for sometime now, but she is now actually 13 and is one of my teens.

I really look forward to what the next few years hold for my daughter. I have enjoyed seeing her develop her own interests, like becoming a huge Dr. Who fan. Also watching grow in God is great.

First Father's day....

as a single mom.....

My (ex)husband is here and I'm so ready for him to leave. But the kids are having fun and that makes it woth it.

To all of those who have been single moms (and those that have been single Dad's) longer than I have, my hat goes off to you. I knew it was a hard job, I never knew it was this hard.... and I never expected to have to live it.

Izabelle is here...

On Monday 6/3 I gave birth to a 5lb 15oz baby girl. She is little, but healthy. The birth went well, although there were moments that could have gone bad, but my doctor stayed calm and I felt stayed on top of everything well and encouraged me well and we both came out of the delivery just fine.

almost there

6 days and counting until this little one is due..... ack I can't wait to meet this little one.

Growing young men...

So last Friday the fact that my oldest is now graduated from our home school and is almost ready for college really hit! The reason, I took him out to the college he will be going to in the fall to register for classes. He also got his school ID and his college post office box number.

This is a big walking on faith issue for me in so many ways. Books, laundry money, and so much other things. It will also mean him leaving home and following God with even less guidance from me.

Yet, I know his foundation is strong. His life is being built on the rock of Christ.

Ack I have an adult child.....

Ok, so not quite yet. This weekend though we will celebrate my oldests birthday and his graduation from our home school. At the end of the month he will be 18. It is such an odd thought, especially since I am thinking of holding my newborn around the same time.

I am so thankful having watched him grow into the young man I prayed he would be. He is a young man who seeks God and loves serving him. He has served in our church as an Awana leader, sunday school teacher, prayer team, cleaning, fixing and pretty much whatever else he could do or was asked to do. He helps different people from in their homes, last Sunday gave up time with friends to help push someone's van that  had broken down. 

Yes, he has his faults like we all do. But I love to see him striving to become the man God is calling him to be. 

just 4 more weeks

I can't believe that we are at the end of this pregnancy. It has been a roller coaster of emotion. I don't see the roller coaster ending soon. I am looking forward to holding this little one in my arms. Today as I sat waiting in the waiting room for the doctor the baby had the hiccups and was moving like crazy. When I went into the appointment they had a hard time finding the heartbeat. It didn't concern me because I knew how much the little one had just been moving.

My biggest issue is that I really don't like the names that I have picked out. Well I guess I do like them I just can't imagine calling a child by either name though. I guess we will see when the baby comes out.

New food obsession...

So my friend Emmy has introduced me to Kale chips. I have found myself wanting them all day. I have made my 3rd batch of the day already. So how do I make mine?

After washing, I cut the leaves off the steam and into pieces. In the bowl I drizzle them with olive oil seasoning with salt, pepper and parmesan cheese. I then bake it at 350 for about 10 minutes. I like mine a little crispy so I may go a little longer. I am sure I am baking all the healthy out of it, but I love it.

Please pray for a friend...

My friend Jessica and her husband Archies they are about to lose their son Silas after a brave year + fight with cancer. Silas is 4 years old. Silas has 3 older brothers. They say he has just days left.

8.5 weeks to go

I can hardly believe that we are toward the end of this journey to meet this little one growing inside me. I can tell that my 4 year old is getting very attached to the baby. She loves to come over and hug my belly and kiss "the baby." It feels very odd, because I still have not really settled on a name for this little one. I also don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. Guess we'll know soon enough.

Guess there really isn't much else to say.

Hello to all

I am sorry I have not posted much. A lot has been happening. I have not come out and said it here yet, but I will share it. My husband and I are getting divorced. It is something I never thought I would say. The grounds are biblical, that doesn't make the idea any easier. I am left heartbroken and scared.

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant. The baby is active and growing. I am being followed every 2 weeks currently due to my own lack of weight gain. Other then that my health is good and the baby looks good as well.

Two Books that have really helped me

Aside from the bible there are two books that have really helped me overcome issues that I had.

The first one is called Every Women's Battle by Shannon Ethridge. It is a book about the dangers of fantasies and comparing our husbands to others, to even the dangers of porn. These issues, well aside from the pron, are so much more hidden from the world as they occur in our own minds. We are often the only ones that know that we have this issue. I know for me fantasy started in high school, and this doesn't even have to be s*xual to be wrong and hurt ourselves.

While reading this book was very convicting, it was also very freeing. It allowed me to see that yes, I was choosing sin, but I was not alone. Other women also had the same problem and had over come it.

The other book is called Loving God with all your Mind by Elizabeth George. This book helped me to refocus my mind so as to not fall into depression. While we all have moments of depression, when I was a teen I was very depressed. I didn't know how to change my thinking and like so many I put myself down often. Learning how to focus first on what is real and true, even in a bad situation has helped me to keep from falling into that pit during several very hard times in my life. One of them I am going through right now. I have learned to keep my focus on God and to get myself up and doing what I need to do each day.

Half way there

So I am now over the half way point in this pregnancy. Things seem to be going well. The baby is growing as the doctors would like, the 18 week ultrasound looked good. As far as the obgyns go their only concern is my lack of weight gain, or more my continued weight loss. Mostly the concern is that my body gets what it needs, since the baby is growing and moving that helps.

As far as my heart goes, it looks great. There has been no real change in my echos and my doctor does not expect anything different to be there at the end of March when I am due to see him again.

I have been having a very hard time coming up with names for the baby. I really have no idea what I would like to name the baby. I only have 1 real rule for naming the baby, the name can not start with the same letter as one of the other children.  

Peace in my heart

I can not begin to explain the peace that is in my heart right now. Life keeps throwing things at me that I was not expecting, both good and bad, and yet the peace that is in my heart has been such a blessing.

One of the great things is how quickly my oldest's calling to a college seemed to happen. My son had his eye on 2 of the colleges that he had visited. Out of the blue a coach of a school I had not even thought of and he had not really heard of called him and wanted to talk. It seems that this coach had called my son's coach and told him he was looking for a catcher for the next year, my son's position and he will be in college next year. Coach came out to see my son at practice and said yep, he wanted my son to come play for him. S (my son) went to the college, which is an hour train ride from home, he liked the school, but really felt like the coach was someone that he could play for. Now I have to get transcripts ready, filled out finical aid forms, and get him signed up for the ACT, yep he hasn't taken it. I am bad. But he is signed up. :) 

How will you respond?

When push comes to shove and you have no where to go, how will you respond? Do you run to God or away from God? Do you let  your guilt, shame and pride keep you from reaching out for the help that you need. When offered forgiveness and love, do you push it away? Would you rather deal with the consequence of your actions or hide from them?

Do you not realize the payment for your sin has been paid in full. Grace has been extended. Yes, the consequences are often still there. But the prison you have confined yourself to has been unlocked. There is healing and comfort waiting for you, but it will not be forced on you. God will not make you take it.

Even if you do, and things don't become what you thought, and hard times still come and you are not given all you think you are due; are you then going to reject the good you have been given? See true blessings as a punishment?

God does not promise that life will be easy. He does not promise you will have earthly wealth. In fact we are told many times to expect trials and hard times. To not see earthly wealth as a blessing.


Jam 1:2 NKJV - My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

1Pe 1:6 NKJV - In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials,

2Cr 1:4 NKJV - who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Rom 5:3 NKJV - And not only [that], but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;

2Cr 6:4 NKJV - But in all [things] we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses,

2Th 1:4 NKJV - so that we ourselves boast of you among the churches of God for your patience and faith in all your persecutions and tribulations that you endure,